i promised my boyfriend i would get better, that I would stop taking laxatives, that I would be a better person...
but I will always know i'm fat and worthless, i can't get rid of that.
i can't get rid of the voice that tells me "you have to be 98, or no one will ever care for you"
but james means so much to me, and is always supporting me.
what do I do? I need to lose weight, I need to be perfect.
i'm conflicted:/ what are your thoughts?
would you recover for someone who genuinely cares about you, someone you can completely trust?

Does anyone know if diet pills really help?
What's the best one?
I used to have Adderall (amphetamine) prescribed, and that worked...
I literally ate N O T H I N G.
But I'm off those drugs now and I eat like a PIG nowadays.
So diet pills? Anyone?
Do they really take your appetite away?
Anywhere nearly as much as amphetamines??
Please give me feedback ASAP.
I"M GOING CRAZY!

Hey.  I have recently gained all of my weight back that I so tried so hardly to lose.  Ok, I had a baby, too.  But that's not an excuse anymore because she is 3.  I lost all of my baby weight within the first 2 months and suddenly 3 years later I am a fat-ass.  What happened????   I NEED HELP.  Looking for support, fasting buddies. etc...

CW: 125
LW:104
HW:125
GW1:119
GW2:110
Final GW: ??? 

6months, 20 days, and 16 hours til graduation, and when I can finally move out of the house, eat and dress how ever I want. Happy new year!!!

I heard that if you put baby teething gel on your tongue it will numb your tastebuds and it worked!! I was craving all sorts of stuff but now I'm just chillin' with my numb tongue :p

Just thought I'd share it with you guys :)

What are all of your safe foods?
And what weird combinations do you like?

 And I'm always happy.
Last night I binged as a celebration. Now I binge because I hate myself.
And I am literally too weak to exercise. 
I had 2 chocolates, and that was the final point for me. I was like "no, no more, I'm not going to do this and ruin myself."
I was perfect until last night.

I am exiling myself in my room now so I can get some writing done.
I am going to fast from now until tomorrow night at the New Years party, then I will fast for 3 days after that.
Think I can do it? I'll prove it. 
I'll also exercise as soon as I get more energy.

For now it's WRITE WRITE WRITE!

Fast #1

Today I've worked 12+ hours and I've only had... One cracker (13.3 cal) and water, crystal light and a little bit of watered down juice.
It's been 24 hours since I've eaten.. I hear the first 48 are the hardest. I'm half way there. Tomorrow is another day, I have to be at work earlier so I'll be busy for longer, not eating. I hope...


I hope you all are doin good!! If you need to talk/rant, feel free to message me.

Ugh. I just want this vacation to be over with. It's made be gain soo much weight.
I am quite upset because I weighed 143.5 yesterday and guess what I did? I binged!
I need to find a way to stop myself from binging. It's a vicious cylce.

I've had 780 calories today and the hotel were staying at for a few nights has a fitness room. I worked out and burned 300 cals.
Bad thing is that I weighed myself after and I'm 148. : (
Heeellpppp!!
I'm gonna try to eat hardly any food tomorrow and the next day and work out both days.

I just can't wait to get back into my usual routine and I have three more days of vacation left.
I have a million things I want to accomplish when I get home being that it's new years day and all.

* I better weigh 140 or less the day after we get home.
* I want to get waaay better grades. Especially since exams are in a few weeks.
* I need to apply for a job.
* I need to work on helping out around the house more.
* I would like to work on my art and write in my journal more.
* Start running again.
* Do sit ups everyday.

There's lots of other things!
Sorry for babbling!

I hope you're all doing well : )
Stay strong ladies
xx

again, I binged.
and again, I took laxatives.

I was doing okay.
I had a 6inch veg sub, and I promised nothing more. (265)
then I had broccoli chedder soup (180)
then it was really bad...six or seven cookies. (about 100-150cals each, 1050)

Since I am gonna be out of school for a while I decided I need to get a life. School took up 2/3 of my life. I also realized that's why I've been constant binging. I am depressed because I'm not doing anything with my time and I'm the kind of person that needs to do something. So I am going to volunteer my time somewhere and spend more time with my friends. Plus I'll do abc and workout. I am also going to help out around the house more and be a better daughter. That's when I'll see the difference: i'll be nicer, thinner, and busier. No-more fat, nasty, selfish, bad person Carrie. I'll get started tomorrow. I'm kinda excited.

Luv All

I've been bulimic for about three years but recently I've binged/purged twice a day every day for about a week & now my gag reflex is almost gone. This must happen to other people?

Iv been living on pasta, and kellogg's rice krispy squares, the last time I weighed was about my birthday, late november, since then Iv lost at least 6lbs anyway, this mornin I weighed I was 91lbs I took lax last nite (bullocks cos they didnt work) Iv had a small pot of tamato and chocken pasta for lunch at work, then came home had rice krispy bar then few fork fulls of pasta 'n' sauce mac n cheese flavour, not weighed since scared to to be honest. Weighed the other nite was 89 but binged a tiny bit, so not countin that, but I will get back to the 80's I love seein that on the scale........xxx

I literally feel beyond disgusting right now. This is the feeling I have to remember after I eat. So I have been so frustruated lately with the scale because everytime I don't eat I was still gaining weight. I figured it was before my period and that was why. So when I got my period today I was so happy but now I am the most depressed I've been in forever and I'm in disney world epcot. Yesterday I was in magic kingdom and I was doing ok I had salad for lunch and no dinner. I didn't go down a pound. I have been restricting for a while and the scale wasn't going down I was so so so frustruated. Anyway I had a few bites of fruit this morning and I was doing fine until comes 4pm when I was ravenous. I have been with my family a lot so it has been hard to dodge meals but this meal I didn't want to dodge. I was soooo completely famished no amount of diet coke or coffee was quenching this hunger. So we decide to get mexican bigg mistake huge. I ordered some taco salad in like a tortilla which was the closest thing to healthy even though it wasn't. I figured I'd pick at the lettuce and stuff. Not only did I eat the whole probably 2000 calorie thing but I even kept eating it when I was full. Then not only did I have period cramps but I had severe stomach pains. I'm not used to eating that much. I got so extremely depressed I couldn't be around people or anyone. I left epcot at 430pm because of how obese I felt. I couldn't bare to have people looking at me. I am waiting for my bus back to the hotel now. My stupid thoughts ruined my day. It ruins everyday. When I step on the scale, Eat, or don't eat I'm still depressed. Always. Its disgusting. I couldn't stay in the park. My gut is bulging. The scale keeps going up. Guys I just can't take this cycle anymore everyday weighing depression self hate. I'm going out of my mind. Now I'm going to go step on the scale and get my huge fatass of a number and then lay under the covers in the hotel and cry. After my period I better be back to 112. Today I was 116. This is a nightmare

Help guys I just got my period and for some reason I am completelyyy starving right now. I haven't eaten all day. My family and I are in epcot about to get mexican food. I can't give in. I'm not fasting I'm restricting but I'm beyond famished. Help thinspiration please

even with my b/p fail last night i'm down a pound today. of course, i have to thank my diet pills because i'm sure they helped a lot. O.o

ahhh, three pounds until my next goal weight. three days to get there. totally do-able i think, if i can just stay in line.

i just had a bowl of fruit, which was probably 100ish calories, and i still am letting myself have a banana, probably like 120, it's HUGE. lol. but it's all fruit, so i don't mind as much that the calories are kind of high. i feel so motivated right now, it's been FOREVER since i've seen the scale go down. :D

hope everyone else is having/has a wonderful day.
think thin!
three days until a new year, and a new start.(:
xx

I've been really depressed and feeling alone lately, so I got this to remind me that I have support and love:

( Picture )

I want to add some ice blue to the wings, with touches of darker blue, inked in a way that makes it look like it was done with watercolors.

I DID IT Y'ALL WOO I DID IT!!! I reached my first goal weight haha heck yes!! Im finally 95Lbs again and NOTHING is gonna screw it up this time! Im gonna get lower! Now im just 2 more pounds away from my second goal weight 93lbs. I hope everyone is doing great, I know I am!! :D. I love ALL of you!!!!! :D Stay Strong!!!(:

Current Mood: ecstatic

Breakfast- bread with jam and creme - 400
Tea and Milk- 100
Mini Pizza- 370
Oranges- 50
lets just say 1000cals 
:S 
Well I'm rele strating my REAL diet till 1st anyway. So Its just a slow warm up process......
Hm..... 
Can't wait, I want to start so I can be thin.
However I was talking to my friends today and they were talking about this girl in our school who has anorexia
and they were like saying how ugly she looks cause shes so thin and stuff. I don't want them to talk about me like that.... :S
Well if I get to my gw I would be thin, but not SKINNNNY, just slim. I hope by then I'd be happy enough with it.
Even though I want to be quite thin, like a bit, but not too much, underweight.... bmi: 18 or so...?!
Well I'm gona stick to the gw I chose for now. Then if I still feel rele shit then i can think about it.... but I think I will stick
to my gw1. :) Anyway a lot of blabla, hope your all well.
Luv Lola

 carbs or protein?

I always ate cereals,fruits and granola bars and avoided protein like yoghurt or cheese.



this is the first time i try to do the opposite no carbs at all. and less than 500 calories
i want to be normal u know

So i had chicken and cheese toast with whole grain bread for dinner after a 24 fast,as i do everyday.

That would be 400 call??? dunno
Anyway i ve done 300 squats while i was taking a shower and i m gonna do another 150 later hope i burn at least the half....